Mum’s gon‘a just kill me when I get in, I know she is. Knew we shouldna’ come down here today. Bloody Mick McGillicudy, ‘is bloody fault. It was ‘im who said it first. Now look at the state o’ me now. Bloody hell, Mum’s gon’a kill me.


"Mum, open the door".
"MUM".
"Round the back Jack, I’m busy".
"Ohh mum, I can’t. Me dad’ll see me".
"What do you mean, your dad will see you"?
"Arh, just open the door mum, PLEASE".


That’s it now, here she comes. How am I goin’ to get past without a whack?

"JACK DOOLEY!, where the bloody hell have you been to get like that?….and just look at your new shoes. You’ve kicked the toes out of them already. You were supposed to be going to church. Where’s our Billy? Have you been down to the docks again? Have you missed church again? Look at the state of you………….."


This is going to hurt.


"I met Mick Mcgillicudy on the way mum".
"Mick Mcgillicudy, and ‘im studying for the cloth. What have you been doing. Get in here right now. Come on, IN… NOW!"
"Don’t hit me mum".
"Hit you. Hit you, I’ll bloody swing for you. Get in…..IN. Standing on the doorstep in that state. Get in before someone sees you".
"All right, I’ll come in if you promise not to hit me."
"I won’t tell you again Jack Dooley, GET IN".
"Okay, okay I’m comin’, just move away from the door then".
"All right, I wont lay a finger on you, I promise. Now get in".
"Okay".
"OWWW, you promised, Owwww….that’s not fair….you said……."
"I know what I said, and I didn’t lay a finger on you. This is a ladle".
"Owwww… you cheated.. it’s not fair".
"Strip!"
"Not here mum".
"STRIP!"

"Come in out of that yard, and bring the tub in with you".
"What’s the little bugger been up to now, skippin’ church I suppose".
"You’re a fine one to talk, I wonder where ‘e get’s it from".
"Me!...never missed a day in church me".
"God forgive you Big Jack. And you can wipe that stupid grin off your face, it’s not funny. Somebody has to keep this family’s souls in a state of grace".
"He’s just a growin’ lad love. Boys will be boys".
"Aye…and men will be boys too".
"Here, go get him ready, I’ll get the pot on for some hot water".


Oh no…..she’s got the scrubber. I hope she puts the butter on first.


"Big Jack, get me that block of butter from the pantry, it’s the tar works he’s been to, not the coal dock".
"Bugger me jack, what you been doin’ down at that smelly place.
"Mick Mcgillicudy said that there was a ship bein’ beached down at the shore today for cuttin’ up but it didn’t come so we went up to the tar works".
It’s comin’ in next week. It’s a big one too and it’ll be under power when it rides up. I was thinkin’ of havin’ a look meself".
"Wow… can I come with you dad, can I?"
We’ll see, make sure you see father Clancy for confession on Saturday first. Missin’ mass is a mortal sin y’know".
"I saw that wink Big Jack. Now, come here Jack, I’ve got some early penance of my own to dish out…In the bath, Now!".

One good thing about a good scrubbin’ on Sunday night is you don’t feel the cold so much after and it smells all fresh and clean all around me. Me mum smells like flowers and cakes and me dad always smells of rope and peanuts when he comes in. Me mum always gives me loads of hugs after she’s shouted at me, and she strokes me hair and sings that soft song.
The ladle didn’t really hurt that much. I just wish she’d used the old wooden one, not that new iron thing.